Simply Marvelous

We four siblings had just lost our beloved mother. She was the rock that held us together. She was upbeat, spiritually strong, and had a wickedly funny wit.  Her highest compliment was that something or someone was “simply marvelous.” Well said.  Our mother was simply marvelous. We were lucky to have her and we all knew it.

During our mother’s two-year illness we four did what we could to help her cope with the failing of her body. Our skills seemed to be just what she needed.

However, during those two years, our brother Joe began behaving in an angry and selfish manner towards our mom and the rest of us. He would forget or dismiss promises he had made to help us. Eventually the three of us accepted the fact that we couldn’t depend on him.  We did however, continue to support each other and welcome Joe’s contributions when they came.

We three had decided to behave with kindness and compassion. We didn’t say this with words.  It seems that as spirits, the three of us just KNEW how to do this loving/grieving/goodbye thing together. For example, when one sibling needed something, such as a break, another one suddenly showed up to take over.  If one of us was an “early bird” helper, the other found that they became a “night owl” to cover that hospital shift. One of us became the liaison with the physicians, another became the liaison with numerous concerned friends, and the third became the financial manager of our mother’s affairs. And we didn’t have to ASK each other for anything!  We just seemed understand what needed to be done and we did it together. And we kept Joe informed of everything that was happening.

Joe seemed to become further and further distanced from us.  We didn’t know what to do about this and things were getting worse. During the last week of our mother’s life, Joe became dangerously paranoid, angry, and frighteningly aggressive towards us. Even after our mother died, he seemed to do everything in his power to alienate, hurt, and push us three away from him and his children.

We three were devastated by what looked like yet ANOTHER loss. My two siblings were resolved to cut all ties to Joe to prevent any further heartache. But I couldn’t do it.  As a spirit, I cried out against this impending family break. I remembered that Joe didn’t always behave like this!  Joe had been wonderful when we were all younger together! We were an amazing team.  There seemed to be nothing we couldn’t do when we worked TOGETHER.  As a spirit, I could not forget this.

So, I began sending greeting cards, e-mailing notes, jokes, and gifts to Joe and his family. For more than a year I ignored the frequent insults, accusations, and other hurtful messages. I just kept sending my notes, cards, and sentimental gifts. My siblings and my husband noticed my positive actions and they began doing the same loving things. Each told me at different times they couldn’t help but follow my lead. I knew that as a spirit, I needed to heal our family.

One year after our mother’s death, our grief seemed worse than ever. The three of us would talk to each other and help each other through that sad time. We didn’t know how Joe was faring because most of our phone calls and e-mails were ignored.

Joe finally e-mailed us because he was looking for the phone number of a distant relative who knew our father and mother from childhood. He was planning to visit that state and hoped to tell this relative about the passing of our mother, father, and brother. This distant relative was the only connection to any family we four had left in the world. But their phone number had changed years earlier and no one knew how to contact them.

My two siblings dismissed this request. But, even though the chance was remote, I spent hours turning my house upside down with the spirit intention of finding this single link to any family we had left.

Finally, I found a phone number in an old Christmas card for this relative’s granddaughter. I called that number and spoke to my 30 year old cousin whom I hadn’t seen since she was three!  She was ecstatic to “meet” me over the phone and we were both delighted to find out that we lived within 15 miles of each other!  She had been desperately missing her family back home and now she had an “Auntie” living a short distance away. In turn, I now had family living close to me!  My cousin gave me her grandfather’s number and we promised to stay in regular touch. When I hung up the phone I felt happiness and hope for the first time since our mother died. I heard my mother’s spirit laughing with delight.

 I immediately sent the phone number to my three siblings along with the great news that this elderly relative was indeed alive and that his granddaughter lived in my area.  For the first time, Joe seemed truly touched and began expressing deep gratitude for my efforts and kindnesses towards him. Finally, it seemed that he, as a spirit, was beginning to trust me!  Over the next year, Joe began trusting our other siblings too.

When Joe visited our relative, he found out that we four had an extended family in that state who were very anxious to reunite with us.

Eight months later we FOUR siblings are dancing together at our cousin’s wedding!   Our elderly relative is there.  Our whole extended family is there!  We’re laughing together, and sharing stories. We belong to them.  And most importantly, we four belong to each other.  We three were so lost without our fourth.  Now, no one will be lost again.  Not on my spirit family watch!    

 And no, we have NOT become perfect siblings!  We’ve got feet of clay and personal issues like everybody else. But what we do have now is the trust between us to work out life’s problems.  We’ve always been an invincible team when we faced this life TOGETHER.

And throughout this whole experience of healing, I frequently heard the spirit of our mother say “It’s simply marvelous!”